Scared. She was scared beyond anything she had felt before in her life. She was walking on the edge of a cliff trying no to look down, but always thinking she would slip, so she couldn't help it. And once she did that, once she looked down, the falling started no matter what.
All metaphorically speaking, of course.
The real reason she felt that way was because she was falling in love. And if there was one thing she couldn't handle in her life that was love.
She was scared all the time, so scared she usually ran away from any guy she met so she wouldn't have to even consider if he was cute or not. She had built a hole set of big, tall walls around her heart to keep it safe, but what she didn't know is that once love comes knocking on your door, there are no walls capable to keep it out.
So now she was scared. Terribly, incredibly scared. She was falling for a guy that actually liked her back... He might even love her back too.
So... what now?? Should she let him in and risk her precious heart, the one thing she treasure the most, the only thing she had to give? And how can she know he's been honest about his feelings? How can she be sure that letting herself be loved and love him in return would be the right thing to do?
And what if she got hurt? Was she prepared to let her dearest heart be possibly broken in the name of love? Was she capable of living fully and accepting all the joy love could give her if the result was that later on she will suffer?
What she wasn't capable off was seeing the difference between living and gaining and then loosing, to not even live. So when he said to her -after much much talking and patience from his part- was: are you always going to be a "gray" person? Do you always want to stay in the safe side, guarding your heart, but never using it?
After that, she was even more scared than before because that night she knew he meant it, he wanted to be with her, he was betting on "them" and he was asking her to do the same... so she did. And her fears now had more to do with the fact that it took her a long time to decide to risk it, so he might be upset with her and, what if it was all a lie and he just wanted to hurt her like she had hurt him? And if he now realizes she wasn't that good for him as he once thought? And worse of all, was she capable of given herself completely to him in that state of mind? With that constant fear running through her veins?
She'll find out soon enough, her mind told her. But at least she wasn't going to quit before trying this time.