martes, 30 de diciembre de 2008

What is this?

This dream that never ends is like a marathon of strange images, all running inside my head, ready to stop my heart at just one command.... Images that can be very disturbing, that should bring me to my knees with fear and pain, and that come with a great deal of intensity just for my personal benefit. But who gives that command? who owns my destiny? who has the power to overcome me like this?
I feel my lungs being emptied, the lack of air in this place is unbearable... and yet, sweet. My throat closing, my insides burning, my stomach hurting and my heart pounding so fast that I feel like is going to break my chest and run outside. My head spinning around and around and around... why do I like this?! hahaha, is so fucking scary that I should be screaming my head off every time I wake up!
But I don't wake up, that's the point. I don't really want to. This is so weird... I like it here. I feel amazing; I feel an incredibly sweet pain... I feel great! Hahaha
Yet, I know I’m not alone. I know is not me who decides to stay here, is someone else that does it for me... someone else wants me to stay trapped in this dream forever. Someone that can’t live if I’m gone. Someone that... eats me.
My energy, my strength, my complete lack of resistance to what is doing to me; that feeds him. Or it, or whatever. And I don’t care. I’m ready for this, I want it to happen. This is what I’ve been waiting for my whole life!
That moment of strange agony that comes with every burning touch, with every slice of the knife in my neck, with every single time he pushes inside me to rip something out... it feels like heaven and hell all together and I can’t stop wanting more. It excites me more than anything I ever felt before, especially when I can truly see death coming for me.
So, who cares if I’m not in control? who cares if I’m sliding down a path of no return, if I’m running straight to the worst possible destination and I don’t even know why? That’s what it’s supposed to happen to me, I can feel it. This is the only real thing I’ll ever do... even if I’m doing it in my sleep.

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